obligatorycoffee

Originally posted: July 19th, 2019

Pretending that everyone in the ‘kin community is perfectly normal and that their non-humanity is only something on the side that doesn’t affect them is one, a lie, and two, really toxic to those in the community who don’t fit the bill of a “normal person”, whatever that may mean. It’s stifling, and it’s a shame that it’s cringy to howl in the forest at night, to wear gear, and to acknowledge cravings or urges that aren’t remotely within the realm of human normal. It’s extremely unfair that we should feel the need to sugarcoat the less normal parts of 'kinity, both within the community and to curious or ridiculing outsiders. Yet, I know I’m blatantly, embarrassingly guilty of this. At any rate, talking respectability politics has reminded me that it’s alright for me to enjoy my non-humanity. It’s so freeing and even empowering to feel okay doing things that make me feel less human.

Ah, but a word of caution. Don’t confuse the push for the freedom to do these things if they make you happy and comfortable with needing to do these things to fit in with the otherkin community. Maybe this point is obvious to everyone else, but if I were to go back ten years ago and go through my intro to the community again, I for one would really balk at the idea of joining the otherkin community or exploring my identity if I thought everyone had to wear gear, mod their bodies to look more like their 'types, or be public with their identities to be accepted as a member of the community.

To be completely honest, I probably jumped at emphasizing this because I’m extremely conservative about even hinting at my identity to anyone. I’m happy to walk the human walk and talk the human talk at work/school/with friends and crouch on the floor and snarf down half a rotisserie chicken while I’m home alone. But, everyone’s unique and has different levels of comfort with and ways to express their identities. If you’re not comfortable or able to compartmentalize your identity, don’t! Express your non-humanity how you see fit! You can still live in human society and follow your dreams while being public with your identity. Yet, if keeping your identity completely private is the only thing you’re comfortable with, don’t feel like you need to show it to others, whether they’re 'kin or not.

Don’t let anyone tell you how to experience your 'kinity. Be silly with it, be serious with it, express it, don’t…do whatever makes you comfortable, whether you’re new to the community or an elder greymuzzle or old fruit. That being said, don’t feel like you can tell others how to express their identity either, especially if they’re not hurting anyone. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to find a home in the otherkin community. Be yourself, whether that’s appearing human or not.

Originally posted: May 30, 2019

*Adapted from this Tumblr post

This is something I’ve felt for years but never had the presence of mind to put into words, until now. I've identified as as draconic for the past 20 years or so, but I've also been painfully aware that what I'm feeling is filtered through my upbringing as a human. I also realize we don't actually know what draconic behavior is, since dragons aren't exactly living here on earth. However, based on media portrayal and generally just what feels right, I have what I think are draconic traits, but they vary in strength at any given time, and what I feel is acceptable draconic behavior is most certainly viewed through a human lens. Not only that, but there are a good number of things I feel a dragon would naturally do that I highly doubt I could stomach here as a human. I may have urges to do "draconic" things, but with my human body and human senses, I don't think I could handle living solely like a dragon would, even if it were somehow physically and socially possible to do so.

Also, even though I feel urges to do non-human things, I can’t keep them up for long before I revert back to generally human behavior. Is it because these things are hard enough to do for a human that my discomfort overrides my non-human behavior, or is it because I got whatever it was out of my system and my human self has taken back over? I have no idea. Regardless, it makes me feel far more lazy and human than I’m comfortable with.

I’ve often lamented to myself that if I were ever to hang out with a group of actual dragons, that I’d be out of place because I’ve been raised as a human and likely wouldn’t know the habits or customs of an actual dragon. But, I feel out of place as a human too. I've masqueraded successfully as a human for my entire life, but that doesn't make human customs, rationality, and behavior any less foreign to me. I feel like I’m sitting uncomfortably between worlds, without a way to fully reach one or the other. I doubt this will change. I'm obviously not going to be able to find a dragon to adopt me and teach me their ways, nor can I simply drop my non-humanity. It's an integral part of me, and identities cannot be dropped at will.